Relationships : Connections pt. 2

Under the urging of my fine Brazilian friend, I have been asked to speak on relationships. Now the funny thing is I have not been in a true relationship since the one I was in with the mother of my kids. That should automatically disqualify me from even attempting to speak on the matter but, I actually have witnessed many successful ones and I always try to break down things around me to the simplest form. Here is a list because people know me for my lists (thanks Gavilan!)

* COMMUNICATION! - The key to any healthy long lasting relationship is *HONEST* communication. Say what you think/feel in a respectful manner.

* Start Off Right - You will not meet the man/woman of your dreams at a bar or strip club so stop it 5! All you will get is a baby mama or baby daddy and lots of headaches. Use my old adage. Nothing good can come out of bad. Really think about that.

* Treat It Like It's Brand New - They say that the best part of any relationship is the beginning or the "Honeymoon" period. This is accurate. The best way to keep this up is to be spontaneous and have lots of fun.

* They Won't Cheat....- Unless you give them reason to. Don't act suspect and be open to let your significant other know what you are doing and who you are doing it with. Make sure you also satisfy them emotionally, mentally, and sexually. If you do this, why go anywhere else?

* Cut the Umbilical Cord - STOP HANGING OUT WITH THOSE NOBODIES! Those single idiots will get you in trouble. If you are a couple, hang out with couples. You stopped being single and you should act like it. Hanging out with the fellas/ Girl's Night Out should be a RARE occasion. Not every week.

* Stay Sexy - Be healthy and exercise. The side effects are that they won't look elsewhere (as much).

* Cell Phones, Twitter, Facebook...- Burn it, delete, and delete. Want a successful relationship WITHOUT paranoia, this is the only way...

* Be a Best Friend - No secrets, help when you can and genuinely be concerned. If you don't bring out the best in them and they don't bring out the best in you Cut the Umbilical Cord. Don't even waste your time.


These are some tips that will help. Feel free to add on.

* If it doesn't work, don't feel bad or insecure. It was not a good connection and that is all. Learn from it and evolve.

Communication

I find this to be something that although we have seperate methods of communicating, we communicate in a less effective manner. It's almost like things get lost in translation. I think that the written word although powerful, can be completely misunderstood. This is not just in the written because when talking to someone a single word can be hung on to and it can create a misconception. Being that everyone is super sensetive, things can get quickly out of hand. Pride is a hell of a drug...

I consider myself to be an expert communicator. To give you a brief background, I get paid to talk. To the point that they have made me in charge of others and how they communicate. I excel in sales because of this and business is my strong point. So for the life of me I cannot understand why I experience as much difficulty as I do when I communicate with friends. Since this weekend I have basically had nothing but miscommunications and it is terrible that things are going all over the place. From the small and meaningless to pretty major. I was speaking to a very good friend about this very thing and I ended up making her very upset. She is extremely hurt by our 2 hour long phone conversation that I feel that she was hurt. I think it is not the message but the presentation that causes the confusion. Who knows though, maybe I am just rambling but I am really trying to get an idea of why it seems that there is a commnunication breakdown between me and many right now.

This Does Not Surprise Me

I have long known that the racism and prejudice towards hispanics is at an all time high. We are accepted whenever it is convinient for them. For making money, getting people voted in, and cheap labor to name a few. As a people, we are looked upon as a joke. To be used and discarded whenever the job has been done. Looking at this comic strip that came out here disgusts me. It confirms what I have written in the above lines. It is proof as to why you could do anything to the Hispanic in North America and get away with it. Do you think that they could have done that with the Asians, Africans, African Americans, or Muslims???? Of course not. They have pride in themselves and demand respect. I don't think violence is the answer but why do you think people think twice at depicting Mohammed in anything? They know that if you go to far, there will be someone ready to straighten you out.

We will not have that in our communities because we lack direction. We lack leaders that are worth anything. The ones who are able to or in a position to lead are content in the fame and the money that goes along with it and not the betterment of our people. There seems to be way too much division within hispanics. This country does not like that country. Even worse, people of the same country do not like the indeginious people because they feel they are beneath them. Regardless of what you think, we are all the same. We have a very beautiful, powerful, rich culture and we are slowly forgetting it for this countrie's modern day trappings. I am sorry but my soul is too valuable to sell out for a few possesions. There is a line from Drake that says it best, "transitioning from fitting in to standing out". This line hits home because we should respect their culture but we should not dilute our own.

What is surprising is the feedback that this comic strip got from so called latinos. Some did not find offense to it (which is fine), others found it funny (dude, they are laughing at us, not with us). Regardless of you dressing like them, acting like them, or even trying to be like them, YOU WILL NEVER BE THEM. You come from a distinct rich history. We have our own language, art, culture, food, mentality, WORK ETHIC. Be proud of this and add on but do not take away from it. Do not be ashamed of who you are, be ashamed that something like this can be printed and we are not doing a thing about it. Please learn to take yourself and what you represent seriously. We have seen what happens when we don't. Look no further than Arizona...

Quick Tips On Being Healthy

Diet and Exercise. Many if not all can quote this but hardly anyone knows how to do it and stick to it. Going outside of what your likes almost always insures failure (crash diets, nasty diet foods, diet diets, exercise with little to no results, boring routine, etc.) LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!!! You don't have to do that to be healthy. I dropped at least 30 pounds by doing this...

- Cardio. Running, biking, or elliptical for 5 times a week for about twenty or so minutes. This serves as an excellent warm up. It burns calories and opens up your breathing for the upcoming workout. *If you don't like running, walk briskly.* Also, jumping rope for 5 minutes is equivalent to running for 20 minutes...

- Weights. Isolate muscle groups and focus on form not weight. Repetitions and proper form outweigh straining yourself with heavy weights. Also, do it with little rest periods to keep the cardio aspect of it.

- Once You Are Seeing Results or Getting Bored... Switch up your workouts. Keep it interesting.

- Activities. Bike riding, running around paths, walking the city shopping, playing basketball, football, are all great ways to keep in shape. When you actually enjoy what you are doing, you don't realize that you are working out. You are just having fun and look forward to doing it.

- Water. Drink it, Love It. If you are thirsty, you are already dehydrated. Drink before, during, and after the workout. Drink during the day as well

- Adjust Your Diet. Replace processed foods with more organic alternatives. Whole Wheat Everything(my rice and pasta lovers)!!!! Eat plenty of dark leafy veggies, chicken breast, turkey breasts, some lean red meat every now and again, and FISH! Fish such as Atlantic Sockeye Salmon are rich in Protein and Omega 3 Fatty Acids.

- Protein. Your body can only absorb about 20 grams of protein at a time so make sure you eat enough of it after your workout and through the day. One Can of Tuna Fish posses your necessary need for protein serving. Drink milk as well. Great source of protein and calcium. Stay away from Soy Milk. It is full of sugars and it carries plant ESTROGEN! It causes thyroid problems within females as an example.

-Alcohol... Just don't do it. If it is not a glass of wine per day, you are not doing your body any favors. Don't believe me??? Look down at your gut tubby.

- SEX!!!! Did you know that sex burns a ton of calories??? Have lots of sex!!!! It is good for your heart and not to mention the high you get afterwards!!!! *Please do so with your husband/wife or significant other* This is not the time for you to get sick because you are having sex with the wrong people. You are getting in shape and we don't want you getting too skinny and/or dying over being healthy. That would defeat the purpose, no?

- Enroll in Zumba, Kickboxing, Boxing, Tae Kwon Do etc... Since you are already getting in shape, this will help you stay active while while meeting people. Each of these activities burn 1,000 calories per hour and satisfy the necessity for cardio.


Well, I hope that these tips help. If you require more, please do not hesitate to ask. God Bless and Much Success.

Tips On How to Interview Successfully

Tomorrow I have an important interview for what could be a lucrative position with a Fortune 500 Company (If I choose to accept this position, it means lots of $$$ and I can actually help clients for the better). Since I have been working since 14, I have picked up a few things about properly interviewing for the position.It also helps that in all my management positions, I have interviewed extensively for my team as well as others. I have compiled a list of a few tips that will help you obtain the career you are pursuing.


*Preparation is Key - Learn about what position you are applying for before hand. Googling the position and the company and discussing how the company differs from others shows you have done your homework. Also, use the way the company sets themselves apart from the competition (company missions, motto's, direction) as a way on how you do business and how you share the same ideals in business.

*Know Approximately How Much It Pays - This also goes along with the doing the homework part of the list. You should more or less know what kind of compensation you should be getting so you can have a realistic expectation. You would not want to waste their time nor have your time wasted. To gain that information, use sites such as http://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm. They are accurate and also include employees feedback

*Dress for Success - For men, suit and tie. For woman, business formal. Nothing too revealing or form fitting, just right. For both men and women, wear dark and conservative colors to the meeting. Make sure shoes are polished and that everything is lint and wrinkle free. This step is also important to insure if you own pets. Take it easy on the colognes/perfumes and make up for the ladies. All things in moderation should be the motto. An inside tip is to wear glasses if you own any. This little accessory goes a long way.

*CONFIDENCE! - Not arrogance but CONFIDENCE! EYE CONTACT, STRONG FIRM HANDSHAKE, SMILE, STRONG CLEAR VOICE. BE YOURSELF!!!

*Humor - This is only for those that actually have a personality. If you interject a bit of yourself and add some humor, it cuts the tension. It puts them in the " I like this person and I can see myself working as a team with them". Very valuable component.

*You Are Interviewing Them Just As They Are Interviewing You - Ask them questions just as they are asking you. Ask about benefits, paid time off, information on ADVANCEMENT "Career Pathing" (employers love to hire people who want to make a career and advance in their profession. Clear sign of a producer.) Also ask about job expectations, training, continuous training (there is a difference, it helps you do your job better), tuition reimbursement, and team questions as well.

*Have Responses Ready - Why are you leaving your current job? Why did you leave that job? What did you like most or least about this place and that. Have your responses ready and keep them positive. Room for growth and changing to an industry is always a good response. Also if you were referred to that job because of one of your clients was impressed by your talent is a slam dunk.

*Structured Interviews - More companies are going to what is referred to the S.T.A.R. Method of Interviewing. Situation Task Action Result. They want you tell them about a time that this and that happened what did you do about it and what was the result. It always goes to tell me a time you were successful at something, something did not go according to plan, team building, or you did not see eye to eye with a co-worker. This is how employers weed through the imaginary I would do this on a certain situation to this is what I did and this is what came out of it. Basically they want specifics and not philosophies so please practice this. It will be your key

*Bring Goodies!!!!:)- A proof book of sorts containing recorded accomplishments, trainings, certificates, and past work is best. This proves in writing that you have done what you have done.

*Once the Interview is Done, Act As If... - you had a great interview and they will offer you the job. Ask, "If everything goes well, what is the next step?". This is a powerful and seldom closing technique. It puts them on the spot to where they offer to send a background check if they have not done so and it allows both you and them to set up a follow up interview.

*Revise Your Offer Letter - Since more than likely you are getting the job because you have followed all these tips, please revise the offer letter to confirm start dates and negotiate anything that needs to be negotiated.

*BE HONEST!!!!!!! - By far the most important. When you are preparing yourself, presenting yourself, and selling yourself, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART! You need to be completely honest and transparent. Just present it in the right fashion

God Bless and Much Success!

My Favorite Song, "The World Is Yours!"

The year was 1994... It was right before summer and this is a song I listened to countless times on a daily basis. This song to me is perfect. I still listen to it to this day and it reminds me of this important time in my life. Although Blackmoon, Wu-Tang, and Jeru got endless repeats, Nas' Illmatic was my favorite album.

The reason that this time sticks out so much is because so much happened during this period. It was May going into June when I was packing up to move to Puerto Rico for a while and the day before I am to leave, I get a phone call telling me that one of my best friends Romulo Ayala was murdered. Weird thing was I felt no way about it. I felt empty. I was surprised that I was not sad at all. I didn't even get a chance to go his funeral. This was the day. The turning point. The time which at that point forward I was to change. I literally left my life I had in Alexandria, VA. and at 14 years young started to grow to the man I would become.

Moving to Puerto Rico was an experience. I was born there and raised for the first 7 years of my life in Viejo San Juan with my mother before going to NY and eventually settling down in Alexandria. Even though I went down every year for summer vacation it was much different living there. When I would go for vacations I stayed with my grandparents in Santa Rosa, Bayamon. Although I was from the DMV, everyone out there thought I was a Nuyorican. It was my dress, slang, attitude, and music that made it appear so. Also what was different was that prior to me moving down there I would probably only eating once sometimes twice a day due to lack of supervision and money. I think that is why I went crazy and and ate everything in sight while I lived there. I had Sushi for the first time which I quickly became addicted to, ate Churasco, todo typos de pollo, arroz con habichuelas, comida criolla, the works.

It was definitely the best time of my life. I lived in a hotel called El Conquistador In Las Croabas close to Fajardo. It was an amazing resort that was almost like a city. EVERYDAY I would workout, play basketball, swim in the pools and ocean, mess with all the women my age and older and eat 3 TIMES A DAY!!!!! Back in Alexandria I did none of these things consistently. Although I was sexually active for two years prior, I learned a lot living in P.R. I picked up so much being around native Puerto Rican Women that worked in the hotel and lived around the area.It made me a great lover. I would also get to know the guests that came for their vacations both local and international. I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!!!!

Now this went on for 2 years before coming back to the DC Area. I came back for the first day of High School at T.C. Williams. I still remember me going to the bus stop in the Hamlets and showing up with some Nike Air Raids, Black Shorts, White Team USA Olympic shirt and my Nike headband. I felt like I was made out of gold!!!! This was the first time that in this area, I was very attractive. The extra weight, tan , and the I don't care attitude where a complete change to what I was once known for. I walked around the whole school by myself and I was stopped by everyone!!!! They were all grabbing me telling me they thought I died because I disappeared right when Romulo dies. Funny thing is that me and Romulo looked EXACTLY ALIKE!!!! So you can imagine the rumors. It was the best feeling being noticed and being approached the way I was. I never wanted that feeling to end.I even ran into this girl I had a crush on by the name of Cassandra. I had the biggest crush on her and she noticed me and started talking my head off, I was on cloud 9. I left before second period because I didn't even have any classes being I was not enrolled at the time.

I went back to Puerto Rico to go to school at Fajardo Academy. I met people that I consider my family and made lasting connections. I gained a lot of knowledge of the world and academics. It was also at this time that I made connections with people dealing with negativity and profitability. That story unfortunately is for another time.

Below I have included some pictures of this time period.


Me in the gym at 14. We were on jerseys early on.

View from the hotel El Conquistador

My brother Jonathan and I heavy in Altura Projects

Me and Samson. Even our pits rock gold links. Check his neck.

My brother Jonathan and his brother Cesar (Caveman) in the hotel.

Is Hector Lavoe THE Greatest Salsero????

I ask this because I was just reintroduced to his music and was blown away. His voice, lyrics, delivery, and story are unmatched. He has such clarity, pain in his voice and unique melody that no one has been able to sound as good as him since his passing. Only person that comes to mind is Marc Anthony and they have plenty of similarities (peace to all the puntos that bless him with that good stuff). I grew up on his music and although I dig Ismael Rivera's music (an amazing artist and great personal story. I even dated his daughter...love you Orquidea), I don't see anyone having all the talents and make music as good as he does. Do you think there is anyone that you think comes close or is better?